Rich Rowley is amongst those who has been diagnosed with both autism and ADHD. Photo / Supplied
“I can see how you could look at someone like me and go ‘that s***’s broken’, says Rich Rowley. “I can write a Master’s thesis in one day, but I can’t fill out a form. What’s that about? I must be broken right?”
Rowley is a guest on Episode 13 of Sonia Gray’s podcast No Such Thing as Normal. He has diagnoses of ADHD and autism, a combination now so common it has its own unofficial label - AuDHD.
Like many AuDHDers, Rowley describes his brain as ‘always at odds with itself’.
“I’m desperate for routine, but stifled by it”, he says. “I don’t need relationships, but I thrive with them as well. It’s like being pulled two different ways at the same time, and there’s never kind of a ‘happy in the middle’”.
Internal conflict is a common experience for those who are both autistic and ADHD. But externally it looks like a person who is difficult, demanding or needy.
Podcast host Sonia Gray acknowledges relating to people who are inflexible is not always easy, but she believes the key is in understanding the intensity of their internal experience.
“Many people with an AuDHD-type brain are shunned by society. They’re seen as being unpredictable, demanding, or ‘just too much‘. But if we dismiss them, it’s us that are missing out. We don’t get to experience their unique way of looking at the world, their energy, their passion, all of that is a joy.”
It’s only in recent years that getting a dual diagnosis has been possible. Before 2013, the two developmental conditions were seen as mutually exclusive. Even now, diagnosis can be tricky because there are so many overlapping traits.
Sarah Watson, clinical director at Totally Psyched, says the assessments at her clinic are at least three hours long, and her team has needed to ‘upskill’ to make sure they’re getting it right.
“There is still so much more for all of us to learn. I think in that professional space, because it’s such an emerging area”.
But Watson sees it as exciting. “Those with AuDHD have often felt really misunderstood. It’s important they know they are truly special, truly unique individuals … one day this world will come to know and love what we know as AuDHD, I’m sure of it.”
Annabelle, 19, has the dual autism/ADHD diagnosis and describes herself as a ‘giant contradiction’.
“There’s the ADHD part of my brain, which loves novelty and spontaneity, and then there’s the autistic part saying ‘Stop. You’re insane. What are you doing?!’”
Annabelle says it’s something she’s constantly struggling with. “I love spontaneity but it has to be on my terms. If it’s on anyone else’s terms I’ll melt down and panic”.
Like many neurodivergent people, the road to a correct diagnosis wasn’t smooth for Annabelle. She was initially told she had generalised anxiety disorder, then at 15 she developed an eating disorder, so serious she had to be hospitalised.
Now recovered, and in her second year of university, Annabelle has become an advocate for neurodiversity. Gray describes her as ‘a gem’ and believes it’s people such as Annabelle who will change how we view different cognition.
Rich Rowley is also someone Gray admires. He’s become a sought-after educator in the neurodiversity space and says his diagnosis completely changed him.
“It was an emotional roller coaster, but my world got bigger, because of it,” he says. “All of a sudden, I understood where I stand in relation to everything else. And I’m learning to love my brain”.
No Such Thing as Normal is a NZ Herald podcast, hosted by Sonia Gray, with new episodes available every Saturday.
Season One won Best History & Documentary Podcast at the 2024 NZ Radio and Podcast Awards, and was one of Apple Podcast’s Most Shared series in 2023.
The series was made with the support of NZ on Air.
You can listen to it on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
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